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Your friend just told you something deeply personal and painful. They trusted you with their story. Then, instead of keeping it private, you post about it on social media, thinking you’re “raising awareness.” That kind of action can crush trust and cause even more harm. Survivors need support, not exposure (unless they specifically ask for it).
After abuse or assault, words and actions from friends matter. Survivors often replay those moments for years. While no one expects you to be perfect, some responses can wound instead of heal. Here’s what not to say or do, and what to do instead.
Don’t Say “Be Strong” or “Stay Strong”
This sounds like pressure. Survivors don’t owe anyone strength. They’ve already endured so much. A better response is: “I’m here for you. I support you.”
Don’t Ask “Why Didn’t You Tell Me Sooner?”
This feels like blame. Survivors disclose when they feel safe. Sometimes that takes days. Sometimes years. In fact, statistics show that the overwhelming majority of survivors what at least five years before disclosing sexual abuse. Trust their timing. They will be ready at the appropriate time for them.
Don’t Doubt or Minimize
Saying “Are you sure?” or “It doesn’t sound that bad” cuts deep. Survivors need to be believed. Even if it’s hard to hear, validation matters most.
Don’t Rush Them Into Action
Pushing with “You need to report this” or “You should call the police” takes control away. Healing is not one-size-fits-all. Instead ask: “What feels right for you? How can I support that?”
Don’t Make It About Yourself
Saying, “I can’t believe this happened to someone I know” shifts focus off them and onto you. Survivors shouldn’t have to comfort the supporter. Keep the spotlight where it belongs: on their needs.
Don’t Overstep Boundaries
Don’t push for details. Don’t share their story with others. Survivors own their narrative. Respect their privacy, always.
Supporting a survivor isn’t about perfect words or grand gestures. It’s about trust, patience, and presence. Avoiding these common mistakes helps survivors feel safe, believed, and respected.