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Dr. Emma Katz, one of the world’s leading experts on coercive control and its impact on children, has extensively researched how abusers of all stripes manipulate the family court system to maintain power over their victims. Her work on this subject, including her most recent Substack, upon which this article is based, exposes a profoundly troubling reality: family courts often fail to recognize post-separation abuse, mainly when the abuser is a relative who has sexually harmed a child. Instead of prioritizing safety, the legal system frequently pressures survivors and their protective parents into maintaining relationships with their abuser—all under the guise of “family unity.”
Sexual Abuse and Family Courts: A Dangerous Intersection
Survivors of sexual abuse—especially those harmed by a family member—face unique and devastating challenges in family court. When an abuser is also a parent, grandparent, step-parent, or another close relative, the system tends to prioritize their “right” to a relationship with the child, even when there is strong evidence of harm. Studies show that 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys in the U.S. experience child sexual abuse during their childhood, and one-third of child sexual abuse perpetrators are family members. These statistics should alarm anyone involved in child protection.
However, family courts frequently overlook the reality that children are most at risk from people they know and trust—not strangers.
Why Family Courts Enable Abusers
For survivors of sexual abuse and their protective parents, family court can feel like a nightmare. The system’s flaws allow abusers to maintain control in several ways:
A Presumption of Parental Rights Over Child Safety
Judges often assume that children benefit from having both parents in their lives, even when there is evidence of abuse. In many cases, courts will order visitation or joint custody arrangements even when a parent has a known history of sexual abuse.
High Standards of Proof Favor the Abuser
Protective parents—often mothers—must provide clear and convincing evidence that their child has been sexually abused, which is an extremely difficult burden to meet. Many cases lack forensic evidence, and child testimony is often dismissed or questioned despite research showing that false allegations of child abuse are rare.
Parental Alienation Claims Silence Survivors
When a protective parent raises concerns about sexual abuse, the abuser often counters with an accusation of “parental alienation.” This discredited concept suggests that the child is being manipulated into fearing the abuser, rather than recognizing that the child may have valid reasons to resist contact. Courts frequently side with the abuser, forcing children into unwanted contact with the very person who harmed them.
Court-Ordered Therapy Can Be Another Form of Abuse
Family courts sometimes require survivors to undergo therapy designed to “repair” the relationship between them and their abuser. These sessions, which are intended to help families “move forward,” can retraumatize victims by forcing them to interact with the person who violated them.
The Overlap Between Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence
Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse also grow up witnessing or experiencing other forms of domestic violence. Studies show that in 30-60% of households where child abuse occurs, domestic violence is also present. Coercive control—a form of psychological, emotional, and financial abuse—is often used by sexual perpetrators to keep their victims silent and dependent.
When a child victim of sexual abuse later becomes an adult and tries to escape their abuser, family court can become the next battlefield. If the abuser is a former spouse, they may use child custody as a way to continue exerting control. If the abuser is a relative, they may demand visitation rights, framing it as a grandparent’s or parent’s “right” to remain in the child’s life.
What Can Survivors Do?
If you are a survivor of sexual abuse fighting to protect yourself or your child in family court, you are not alone. While the system has serious flaws, there are steps you can take to strengthen your case:
Seek a Trauma-Informed Attorney
Many family law attorneys lack an understanding of post-separation abuse. Contact an attorney who has experience handling sexual abuse cases and can argue effectively for your safety.
Document Everything
Keep records of all communications, legal motions, medical reports, and any relevant testimony that supports your case.
Challenge Court-Ordered Therapy
If therapy is being used as a tool to force contact with an abuser, work with your attorney to push back. Some states allow appeals for these types of orders.
Connect with Survivor Advocacy Groups: Organizations that specialize in legal support for survivors can provide guidance and resources,
Survivors Deserve Justice—Not More Trauma
The idea that a child should maintain a relationship with an abusive parent or relative is dangerous and outdated. Survivors of sexual abuse should never be forced to interact with their abuser under the pretense of “healing” or “family preservation.” The family court system must change, but until it does, survivors must arm themselves with knowledge, legal support, and advocacy.
If you are a sexual abuse survivor and need legal assistance, fill out the contact form at SurvivorsRights.com. We connect survivors with experienced attorneys who understand the stakes and will fight for your right to safety.
