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Most perpetrators of sexual abuse aren’t strangers hiding in the shadows. They are often people children know and trust: relatives, coaches, neighbors, even teachers. As a parent, you are your child’s first and most important line of defense. You don’t have to be an expert to protect your child. You just need the right tools, clear language, and a commitment to stay involved.
Below is a summary of key insights from Straight Talk About Child Sexual Abuse: A Prevention Guide for Parents, a free, evidence-based guide published by Enough Abuse (our brief profile on this important advocacy group). For the full 17-page PDF download, visit the Parents Guide section on the Enough Abuse website.
Who Abuses Children and When?
- Most abuse is committed by someone known to the child. About 60% of child sexual abuse involves people the child knows through school, sports, or the community. A quarter to a third involves family members. Fewer than 10% involve strangers.
- The average age of reported sexual abuse is 9–10. But children of all ages—from infants to teens—can be targeted.
- Children with disabilities are at greater risk. Those with physical, developmental, or hearing impairments face two to three times the risk.
What Counts as Sexual Abuse?
Child sexual abuse includes any sexual behavior between an adult and a child or between children with a significant power imbalance. That includes both:
Touching acts:
- Fondling, rubbing, or penetration
- Coercing a child to touch themselves or another person sexually
Non-touching acts:
- Lewd exposure or voyeurism
- Showing pornography or sending sexual messages
- Taking explicit photos of a child
All of these are damaging, illegal, and reportable.
Warning Signs: What Adults to Watch Closely
Some adults build trust with children and families over time before committing abuse. These “groomers” may:
- Seek alone time with a child without clear reason
- Ignore a child’s discomfort with hugs or physical touch
- Give gifts or money “just because”
- Show excessive interest in a specific child
- Cross personal boundaries (e.g., discussing sexual topics, entering private spaces)
If you notice these behaviors, trust your gut. Watch closely. Talk to your child. Share concerns with other trusted adults. If warranted, report it.
What About Harmful Behavior Between Children?
Sexual exploration is a normal part of development, but some behaviors cross the line into abuse, especially if:
- One child is significantly older or larger
- One child has more emotional or cognitive power
- Coercion, threats, or bribery are involved
When in doubt, consult your pediatrician or a child development specialist.
Actionable Tips to Help Keep Kids Safe
Supervision Matters
- Abuse often happens when a child is alone with an adult.
- Choose group settings when possible, and be cautious about one-on-one lessons or mentorships.
- If you do opt for one-on-one situations (like tutoring or coaching), ask:
- Are doors left open?
- Can parents observe lessons?
- What are the organization’s policies on privacy and abuse prevention?
Start Talking Early
- Don’t wait until puberty. Start the discussion about private parts by age 3, and about sex by age 10, Enough Abuse suggests.
- Use accurate names for body parts.
- Teach that:
- Private parts are not for others to play with.
- Surprises are fun; secrets are not.
- No adult should ask a child to keep secrets about touch or private parts.
- They can always come to you, even if someone they know is involved.
- Let them know: “I won’t be angry. I will listen and help you.”
Promote Independence in Hygiene
- Encourage self-care and toileting as early as appropriate.
- Avoid bathing with children once they reach elementary school age.
- Only allow long-trusted adults to assist with hygiene.
Recognizing Inappropriate Adult Behavior in Schools and Youth Programs
Some adults seek roles in schools, churches, and camps specifically to access children. Watch for boundary violations like:
- Flirtatious behavior or sexual jokes
- Excessive gift-giving or favoritism
- Private texts, emails, or social media messages
- Invasive touch or physical games
- Secret-keeping or isolating your child from others
- Inviting students to off-campus events or locking classroom doors
These behaviors may be early signs of grooming. The guide lists 25 behaviors parents should know…
- Makes comments about a student’s body or physical appearance, either directly to students or to other adults in the school. For example, “You’re so pretty,” or “Oh, I see you’re really developing.”
- Touches students in a way that goes beyond a pat on the back or high five, such as lingering hugs, engaging in roughhousing or provocative physical games with students, or inappropriate touching, e.g. stroking hair, back massages, etc.
- Makes sexual comments or dirty jokes, suggestive gestures, or flirts with a student.
- Gives gifts to selected students that violates school policies on giving or receiving gifts. Selects a student for special privileges, e.g. sending on personal errands.
- Shares their personal phone number or personal email address with a student instead of using school-based phone and email systems.
- Sends private, non-school related text messages to students or responds to text messages from students after school hours or during nighttime hours, unless it relates to their educational plan and with parental permission.
- Follows or “friends” students on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, or other social media sites.
- Takes pictures of students and shares them without parental permission.
- Tells students very personal things, or secrets, or shares stories about their adult relationships, marriage, or sex life.
- Asks a youth about their romantic life or relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
- Confides in and offers support to a student in a way that isolates a student from their friends or family.
- Uses pet names or words like, “baby,” or “darling” to refer to a particular student, or allows students to call them by their first name or a nickname, if that is not usual school culture.
- Asks young students to sit on his or her lap or hand holds with older students.
- Offers a student a ride in his or her car, unless in an emergency situation. The “rule of three” should be followed, where one adult and one student are not alone together.
- Kisses a student, gives them a lingering hug, or enters their personal space in a way that makes the student feel uncomfortable.
- Showers with students after athletic practices or events, undresses around students, or violates their privacy in the bathroom or changing rooms.
- Shares a room overnight with students when traveling for any field trip or sporting event.
- Engages in any sexual activity with a student no matter the age of the student. Even if a student believes such a relationship with an adult in a school or youth organization is okay, the adult’s actions are wrong and should be reported.
- Invites students to off-school events or trips or invites a student to hang out after school without other adults or students—at the school or elsewhere.
- Closes or locks doors when meeting with a student before or after class or covers classroom windows so that interactions with students will not be seen or interrupted.
- Uses their cell phone or camera in locker rooms or restrooms to take pictures of students.
- Sends inappropriate pictures of themselves or others to students or asks students for pictures of themselves.
- Gives or sends pornographic materials to students.
- Offers a student or students any alcohol, vape pens, cigarettes, or drugs.
- Acts as a boyfriend or girlfriend or dates a student or other child or youth, no matter how old they are.
Keeping Your Child Safe Online
Forms of Online Abuse
- Child sexual abuse material (CSAM) aka child pornography
- Sextortion (coercing children into sending explicit photos)
- Grooming (building trust with the intent to exploit)
- Online solicitation
Start With These Online Safety Steps:
- Use parental controls and filtering tools
- Learn what apps and games your child uses
- Insist on private profiles and strong privacy settings
- Teach them not to connect with people they don’t know offline
- Tell them never to share nude or partially clothed photos
- Never meet someone they met online
- Encourage open dialogue over fear-based rules
Technology changes. So do risks. Keep talking, keep listening, and adjust boundaries together.
Reporting and Support Resources
If you suspect abuse:
- Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
- CyberTipline (Online Exploitation): 1-800-843-5678 or missingkids.com/cybertipline
Learn More & Take Action:
Get Help and Healing:
- National Children’s Advocacy Centers
- RAINN.org (support for children, teens, and adults)
- ATSA (for adults with histories of abuse)
- NCSBY.org (for families and youth with problematic behaviors)