What Is Sexual Therapy and How Can It Help Survivors?

After going through sexual assault or abuse, the idea of having a good sex life, much less even wanting intimacy again, can feel impossible. Survivors often believe they’re too damaged to love or be loved, or that their bodies will never feel safe again. But with the help of a skilled, trauma-informed sex therapist, it’s possible to begin healing. A therapist can help you slowly reconnect with your body, rebuild trust in yourself and others, and experience closeness in ways that feel safe and genuinely good.

What Is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a specialized form of talk therapy that focuses on healing and improving sexual wellbeing. It’s not about sexual performance or giving advice about technique. It’s about helping you feel safe, connected, and in control of your own body again. Sex therapists are licensed mental health professionals with additional training in sexual health, intimacy, and trauma. They offer a safe, confidential space where you can talk openly about your fears, physical symptoms, past experiences, and hopes for the future. To reiterate, sex therapy never involves any physical contact between the therapist and client.

What Do Sex Therapists Actually Do?

Sex therapists help you understand how trauma may have affected your relationship with your body, your emotions, and your ability to feel safe during intimacy. They work with you to identify specific challenges—like fear of touch, dissociation, pain during sex, or lack of desire—and guide you through ways to gradually restore comfort.

Many therapists use tools like body awareness exercises, communication coaching, grounding techniques, or sensate focus practices to shift the focus from performance to connection. Some survivors choose to involve their partners later in the process, while others begin entirely on their own. Either way, the pace is always up to you.

Sensate Focus Exercise

Here’s an example of an introductory sensate (think: “sensation”) focus exercise. The goal of the exercise highlighted below is to to explore giving and receiving touch without any goal of sexual arousal, climax, or performance; it’s all about just being present with sensations.

Instructions:

1. Create a safe, private space. Turn off distractions. Use soft lighting, calming music, or whatever helps you feel relaxed.
2. Set time boundaries. Agree to spend 10–20 minutes on this practice, with the understanding that either person can pause at any time.
3. Start with the receiver. The person being touched lies down comfortably and simply focuses on the physical sensations. No need to talk or react. Simply notice.
4. The giver touches slowly and gently. Use your hands to explore areas like the arms, back, shoulders, legs, or hands. Avoid breasts/genitals entirely at this stage.
5. No goal, no performance. This is not about making the other person feel good or “doing it right.” It’s about learning to notice texture, temperature, muscle tone, and response in a calm, curious way.
6. Switch roles if desired. After the timer ends, you can switch so each person has a turn, or debrief together about what felt comfortable or uncomfortable.
   
   

This exercise can also be done solo. For example, a person might do a body scan using gentle self-touch. Explore arms, face, and legs while breathing deeply and paying attention to areas of numbness, tension, or comfort. This builds internal awareness and body trust before working with a partner.

Why Survivors Choose Sex Therapy

Sexual trauma can deeply affect how you feel about your body, trust, and connection. Many survivors experience pain, numbness, or fear during intimacy. Others avoid relationships altogether. In fact, research shows that between 25% and 59% of women with a history of childhood sexual abuse report ongoing sexual difficulties.

However, healing is possible. As trauma therapist Dr. Holly Richmond explains, many survivors believe they’re broken, when in fact they’re just human and capable of healing. Whether you’re struggling with physical pain or emotional distance, sex therapy can help you learn how to feel safe in your body again, explore what you actually want, and eventually open yourself to intimacy on your terms.

What Happens in a Session?

Each session is shaped around your needs and comfort level. You’ll talk about your experiences, challenges, and goals. You might work through difficult emotions, learn how to manage triggers, or practice communication tools. Some therapists assign homework such as journaling, breathing exercises, or gentle body awareness techniques to help you reconnect between sessions. There’s no pressure to talk about anything you’re not ready for. Many survivors find that just having a space where they can speak openly about sex and trauma, without judgment or shame, is a huge relief.

Exploring Other Modalities: Somatic Work and Sensate Focus

In addition to traditional talk therapy, some sex therapists incorporate somatic (body-based) approaches. Somatic sex education includes practices that help survivors safely explore physical sensations, develop awareness, and build trust in their bodies. These may involve breathwork, grounding exercises, or working with the “Wheel of Consent” framework. Another common tool is sensate focus (see above), a technique that encourages individuals or couples to explore non-sexual touch and gradually rebuild comfort with physical intimacy without pressure or expectation. These practices can be especially helpful when combined with the emotional support of trauma-informed talk therapy. For non-sex therapy options, you can explore our article on trauma therapy approaches.

How to Find a Qualified Sex Therapist

If you’re ready to explore sex therapy, look for a licensed mental health professional with additional training in sex therapy, such as certification from AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). You can search directories like AASECT.org and filter for therapists who specialize in trauma, sexual abuse recovery, or LGBTQ+ issues, depending on your needs. It’s important to find someone who makes you feel safe, heard, and respected. If the first therapist you meet doesn’t feel like a good fit, you have every right to keep looking. For more options and national support resources, see our broader list.

Common Misconceptions

One common myth is that sex therapy is only for couples. In reality, many survivors begin therapy on their own. Healing often starts with rebuilding trust in yourself, not someone else. Another myth is that sex therapy involves physical touch with the therapist. This is absolutely not true. Sessions are entirely talk-based. A third myth is that you have to be ready to have sex to benefit from therapy. In fact, many survivors begin when sex feels completely off the table. Therapy isn’t about being ready. Rather, it’s about creating the conditions to someday feel safe and empowered.

Healing Intimacy Is Possible

Sex therapy’s goal is to help you rediscover safety, connection, and pleasure in ways that feel right for you. It’s about moving beyond what was done to you and beginning to define your own relationship to intimacy, touch, and love. And it’s done on your timeline, in your way. You’re not alone. And when you’re ready, healing intimacy can become part of your journey back to wholeness. For survivors interested in other approaches to healing intimacy, see our related guide on how to have a rich love life again after sexual assault.

Finally, it should go without saying that for many people, paying for therapy of any kind out of pocket is cost-prohibitive. This is why it’s important to know that coming forward may also open the door to financial compensation through a legal settlement. This financial support can help cover the cost of therapy and give you more freedom to focus on your recovery.