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After experiencing sexual abuse or assault, survivors may feel as though a normal love life is out of reach; just the thought of being touched, even by a caring, supportive partner, can feel overwhelming or even impossible. These feelings are not only understandable, they’re common. Many survivors experience fear, numbness, or discomfort when it comes to intimacy. But the path to healing is possible, and rediscovering intimacy on your own terms can become one of the most powerful ways to reclaim what was taken. Hopefully, in the near future, you’ll be able to reconnect with joy, trust, and love.
In experiencing intimacy again, survivors reclaim agency. Although it may take time, you can once again choose connection over fear and set an intention that trauma does not define the rest of your story.
Reconnect with Your Body and Desires
Wendy Maltz, author of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse, offers a metaphor that beautifully captures the healing process: “Sexual healing and general recovery need to work together in the same way that music and lyrics work together to make a song: They alternate and blend together at different times. They are complementary, not isolated, experiences.”
Maltz also urges survivors toward intentional change: “Sexual healing involves a great deal of unlearning. Along the way, we learn a new way to think, feel, and behave sexually. We need to create goals that respect the time it might take us to integrate smaller changes.”
It’s about slowly learning to feel safe in your own body again, and figuring out what you actually want and enjoy.
The Reality of Healing: It’s Not Linear
Research shows that many survivors struggle with sexual functioning. One study found that 71% of women attribute their difficulties to past sexual trauma. Understanding that discomfort, disconnection, or intimacy issues are common and natural is essential. Moreover, realize that healing does not follow a straight path; it’s okay to take time and proceed at your own pace.
Build Safety and Practice Boundaries
Before intimacy deepens, building emotional safety is key. Survivors can benefit from exploring non-sexual touch, identifying boundaries, and communicating needs clearly with partners. Tools like body‑scan meditations or grounding exercises can help rebuild comfort with sensation prior to sharing it in relationship.
Seek Professional Support
Professional guidance plays a transformative role, especially trauma-informed therapy, psychedelic therapy and sex therapy. These approaches reshape negative self-perceptions while helping survivors—and their partners—practice communication, pleasure, and consent in ways that feel safe and empowering.
Reclaim Intimacy as an Act of Agency
Choosing to experience loving intimacy again is itself a powerful act of reclaiming control and resisting the narrative of abuse. As Maltz beautifully expresses:
“Sex is momentary, and sex is transcendent. That’s the paradox. The most intense physical sharing we experience with another person is gone in a matter of minutes. And yet, it connects us with a larger energy, a life force…. Real, authentic intimacy leaves behind an inner glow that warms every aspect of our lives.”
This highlights how true connection can be healing, expansive, and life-affirming.
Expert Insight: Dr. Jenn Mann on Reconnection
Dr. Jenn Mann, a renowned psychotherapist, reinforces the journey of embodied healing. She recommends reconnecting with your body through body‑scan meditation, slowing down, focusing on pleasure rather than performance, prioritizing self-care, and having compassionate conversations with your partner about boundaries and triggers—all practices that can restore trust and connection.
Yes, you have experienced a traumatic experience and nothing can whitewash that. It will always be a part of you. However, you deserve love and yes, even great sex! It’s completely normal to wonder if love—or even sex—will ever feel okay again. The answer: YES!
Survivors around the world are learning to write new stories about their bodies, their relationships, and their desires—stories that have nothing to do with trauma and everything to do with healing, trust, joy, and choice.
This doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, care, patience, and often support. But you are not broken. You are not too damaged to love or be loved. And you absolutely deserve the kind of closeness that feels safe, mutual, and good.
Choosing to experience intimacy again is not just possible, it’s a potent step in your healing journey.
Choosing love and sex again (in a healthy relationship) is a way to reclaim what was taken and remind yourself that trauma may be part of your past, but it doesn’t get to shape your future. Love belongs to you. Your body belongs to you. And with the right support, so does the possibility of deep, connected, and yes—even great—sex